Duality of Meaning Strikes Again
I try to not, but do act on a certain role-playing game many readers are familiar with. Every representation seems to have some meaning, but there’s no need to describe it further, even if I could. Most representations could be simultaneously interpreted as diametrically opposed ideas. For example, what does a number represent in-game? Let’s take 37. In leet, it’s ET. That’s me in at least two, maybe four different ways, that also fit plenty of other folk. Let’s say we like these connotations. Then there’s 37, as in the 37 Corbett, a bus line in San Francisco that runs along the ridge of Corona Heights overlooking Eureka Valley. It’s the street a friend of mine lived on many years ago and many persona ago, but there are two other connotations I might think of first.
I just read South African comedian Trevor Noah’s book “Born a Crime” and he is 37 years old. That book really spoke to me. I feel kindred. I like this connotation and it makes me like the number 37. Then there’s Mrs. Corbett from middle school. She taught blatantly racist ideology to us about apartheid in South Africa. In class I asserted black South Africans should be immediately afforded voting rights. She did not offer nuance. She belittled those of us with this belief. She supported additional funding for education (read: indoctrination) of the disenfranchised black population of South Africa. But, in no uncertain terms, taught it was idiotic to give them voting rights or most any other right. The only thing wrong with apartheid from her telling of it was that education was unequal. She believed it should remain separate. Some time much later in the school year, maybe it was the last day of school, even, she issued me a detention that could in no way be attributed to my behavior. Maybe she was having a bad day and these things were not connected, but I believed then and believe now it was retribution.
I’ve known loads of folk whose controversial ideas have evolved, myself included. I never knew this woman again, though, so when I think of her, I only think of her in this way. I hope she had the journey, but it doesn’t change the connotation for me. I don’t know what is in Mrs. Corbett’s soul these days, or if she’s even alive. She was old then, and she’d be at least in her 80s or 90s now. When I meet someone today that old who otherwise seems an alright person, but when pressed espoused racist, homophobic, or other offensive ideas, rightly or wrongly, I probably give them a pass. But for this RPG, I’d not think of her at all. When I do think of her, I think of her as the person that said those things then, and they may bear no relation to her world view today. At least I hope so. I will continue to think of the ideas she spouted in harsh terms, and also try to not define her entire existence by what she taught then.
The more I think of it, her ideas were probably the dominant view in that community at that time. This was about 37 years ago, after all. Perhaps it was a teachable moment. I’d like to think that. We were in a classroom, after all, and teachers tell me all the time how much they learn from their students. For the sake of my mental health, I’m going to think of it like that.
It’s not really about her, though. It’s about: what do you do with the number 37?
